I’ve been to China a few times already and I can’t help but notice that, each time, the driving gets worse. As ashamed as I am to say this, the stereotype that Asian drivers are the worst drivers…may be right. Does that make me a self-hating Asian? We’ll see.
In any case, I’d like to give you a step-by-step guide on how to drive in Wuhan, China. If you think driving in New York is bad, you haven’t seen a damn thing yet.
- Get in the car. Are you in a taxi that doesn’t have seatbelts? Get used to it. Those “hassles” are always pulled out of the car. Enjoy your metal cage of death!
- Honk. Honk like every one is deaf and you are the only person who is in charge of the road. Someone else is honking? Fuck that! Retaliate and honk some more.
- Edge so close to the next lane always and, more often than not, always drive half in one lane and half in the other.
- Continue to honk even more. Is there a pedestrian? Honk at him/her/it. The right of way means absolutely nothing here.
- Trying to merge into the next lane and there’s a car there? Fuck it! Merge anyway until he/she horns at you and stay in your lane until you can merge without using your turn signal. No worries, no one else is driving in Wuhan at all!
- Red light? In the Kingdom of China, red means go and green means…go. You win!
- Is there a big ol’ bus there? See step 1.
- Stuck in traffic and no one can move? See step 1 again and repeat over and over. Sure, no one else is moving, but it doesn’t matter!
- Repeat steps 1 - 7 until you reach your destination.
- Later, rinse, repeat.
As you can see, driving here is pretttttyyyyy fun and extremely reckless. I know I should feel frightened as hell but, for some reason, I never feel like I’m about to die. Odd.
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