I’ve been to China a few times already and I can’t help but notice that, each time, the driving gets worse. As ashamed as I am to say this, the stereotype that Asian drivers are the worst drivers…may be right. Does that make me a self-hating Asian? We’ll see.

In any case, I’d like to give you a step-by-step guide on how to drive in Wuhan, China. If you think driving in New York is bad, you haven’t seen a damn thing yet.

1. Get in the car. Are you in a taxi that doesn’t have seatbelts? Get used to it. Those “hassles” are always pulled out of the car. Enjoy your metal cage of death!
2. Honk. Honk like every one is deaf and you are the only person who is in charge of the road. Someone else is honking? Fuck that! Retaliate and honk some more.
3. Edge so close to the next lane always and, more often than not, always drive half in one lane and half in the other.
4. Continue to honk even more. Is there a pedestrian? Honk at him/her/it. The right of way means absolutely nothing here.
5. Trying to merge into the next lane and there’s a car there? Fuck it! Merge anyway until he/she horns at you and stay in your lane until you can merge without using your turn signal. No worries, no one else is driving in Wuhan at all!
6. Red light? In the Kingdom of China, red means go and green means…go. You win!
7. Is there a big ol’ bus there? See step 1.
8. Stuck in traffic and no one can move? See step 1 again and repeat over and over. Sure, no one else is moving, but it doesn’t matter! 
9. Repeat steps 1 - 7 until you reach your destination.
10. Later, rinse, repeat.

As you can see, driving here is pretttttyyyyy fun and extremely reckless. I know I should feel frightened as hell but, for some reason, I never feel like I’m about to die. Odd.

1. lostinchinesetranslation likes this
2. quenchless reblogged this from marshallsinchina and added:

   Going to China anytime soon? Learn car/driving etiquette here!

3. marshallsinchina posted this